VIDEO: I bullied myself into polygamy – Nigerian Muslim lady shares ordeal

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She claimed that her religion led her to believe that anyone who rejects polygamy if it is presented to them is not doing Allah’s will and that pursuing monogamy could result in a failed marriage.

Owoyale Tawakalitu, a Muslim woman from Nigeria, has described how her ex-husband tricked her into polygamy even though she didn’t initially embrace it.

Owoyale claimed in a video she created and posted on social media that although she had never been a fan of polygamy, her religious upbringing had led her to consider taking a second wife.

She claimed that her religion led her to believe that anyone who rejects polygamy if it is presented to them is not doing Allah’s will and that pursuing monogamy could result in a failed marriage.

‘’If there is anyone who shouldn’t have never entered into polygyny, it’s me. I never liked it. Deep down I knew it wasn’t for me but I did it anyway. I bullied myself into it. Ask me how?‘’

‘’It was through a mix of internalized beliefs and emotional manipulation. The first thing was religious conditioning. You know as a Muslim woman, I grew up knowing that men are permitted to marrying up to four wives but there was a way polygyny was constantly sermoned to me.‘’

‘’It was framed in such a way that if a woman should refuse it simply because she dislikes it, she is seen as opposing the will of Allah and you know as a woman who deeply desires to see the pleasure of her creator, I silenced my own feelings.‘’

‘’I numbed myself and eventually I began to accept polygyny as a religious obligation. I thought if I refuse, I was following my desires and not Allah’s will and I may never have a successful marriage if I reject it because I want monogamy”

Owoyale said that after entering her life, her ex-husband—who lived in Ireland—deceived her into becoming his “second wife.”

‘’Then came my ex, a religious man who proposed marriage to me. praising the fact that I was a virgin. . He told me his existing marriage was falling apart because his wife who he said was his first, had lied about being a virgin. He claimed he had been a virgin when they married and couldn’t bear the thought of her past.‘’

‘’According to him, he said he was living in constant sadness and unable to to look at her the same way. I believed him because he wore the mask of a pious man, a victimized one at that. I was young and naive about manipulation and deception of men. I was in my twenties. He framed our potential marriage as something noble, that my virginity will heal him, presence will be redemptive.‘’

‘’He said once he gets my virginity, he could finally focus on his family again.. So I was supposed to be the medicine, the cure, the saviour when I come in and the marriage will be saved. He even swore by Allah that he will never take another wife because I made it clear from the beginning that I wasn’t opened to polygyny. When he started chasing other women, he told me he was not bound by that promise because according to him, Islam gives him the right to marry more.”

Owoyale stated that she developed the “good girl syndrome” and came to feel that marriage was the highest honor a man could bestow upon a woman.

”I thought he would cherish me forever because I had given him what he had lost and of course I believed that lies that marriage is the honorable thing a man could offer a woman. Lies! because people settle for whatever reason known to them at the end of the day”

According to Owoyale, she eventually learned that the man who had stated he had never been married had in fact been married previously. Four years into their marriage, she claimed to have learned of his first divorce.

‘’He admitted he hid it from me because he knew I would have married him if I had known. So why did he finally tell me back then? He said because I was already pregnant and he knew I wouldn’t want to leave him at that point. You know like baby trapping. I was still new in Finland then, vulnerable and still trying to find my footing. His second marriage, he said the woman left and that he didn’t divorce her. His third divorce was with me.”

Watch the video below

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