After I got divorced twice before I turned 30, I now do the unthinkable – Marissa Baker

The 31-year-old Marissa Baker, who lives in Naples, Florida, with her “platonic life partner,” attributed her insight to “doing a lot of personal growth work and trying to learn what my inner voice sounded like,” as she told Insider.

Accompanying that self-awareness was a broader recognition of how difficult it may be to end a serious relationship.

“Divorce is like a death, but you’re just grieving someone who is still living,” said Marissa.

Before turning thirty, Marissa Baker, who lives in Naples, Florida, went through two divorces.

The woman, who had been divorced twice, got married for the first time at age 22 and got a second divorce at age 29.

The native of Florida got married for the first time at the age of 22, but the marriage ended in divorce after two years.

After the first divorce, she remarked, “I thought that I was broken and defective because I couldn’t make my marriage work,’ she said of the first split.”

She became involved with her future second spouse during the divorce process. Before getting married, they dated for three years. After that, they shared a house and three dogs.

However, that marriage too ended abruptly.

“I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how I would get the courage to do it. One day, I just woke up and thought today’s the day.”

“I did the scariest thing I could imagine and I told my second husband that I wanted a divorce. It felt scary… terrifying, actually,” Marissa wrote on her blog of her initiating her second divorce at age 29.

“Oddly enough, it also felt like a weight had been lifted. I was relieved. Though it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, it was also the right thing (for me),” she added.

She’s focused on other important post-divorce mindsets, such as avoiding the temptation to paint one or both of her ex-partners as the ‘villain’ or ‘victim.’

Two years after Marissa’s initial marriage at age 22, she filed for divorce. Three years later, she married someone else, but shortly before turning thirty, she filed for divorce once more.

She gives some really important suggestions, one of which is to resist the temptation to paint one or the other ex-partner as the ‘villain’ or ‘victim’ after a breakup.

“When you decided I was the villain of the divorce, you also decided to be the victim of the story,’ reads text overlay in one of her recent TikToks. What if instead, we were just two humans doing our best? What then?”

In the caption, she added “that mentality feels a little disempowering. It also gives you permission not to take ownership for the marriage failing (we all know it takes two)”

“What if no one had to be the villain or the victim? Some people choose to believe that narrative and its harmful (mostly to themselves).”

Baker told Insider that the most common clients she receives is “from those women who want to get divorced, but they’re scared or they don’t think they can do it on their own.”

She suggests asking themselves, “What if you could stay in your marriage and be happy, or get divorced and be happy?” as a way to help them decide. Which option would you pick?

Marissa was momentarily the subject of a horde of jealous people last year who gathered in the TikTok comments section when she revealed that she had been divorced twice by the age of thirty. They brutally attacked the idea that Marissa was a life coach with a less-than-ideal history.

In a follow-up TikTok, Marissa answered the skeptics by saying, “Your mistakes don’t disqualify you.”

As she told the publication, “I get to choose who I am, what I say about myself, and the impact that I can have in this world… I realized how many people are so thankful for my content, because getting divorced is so hard and so isolating.”

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