Woman asks for advice because her ‘husband doesn’t know how to be poor’

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Money disputes are a common occurrence in marriages and can have detrimental effects. One Reddit user is experiencing a tense situation with her spouse and is at a loss on how to approach her materialistic spouse.

Disagreements around finances are the primary reason for divorce, as we have all heard countless times. As it happens, that’s probably not quite accurate; according to the most recent research, relationship-related factors like having married too young and having different objectives are more prevalent. Even Nevertheless, the most common cause of divorce among couples is regularly found to be financial disputes.

And it’s understandable why after reading this woman’s Reddit post. I don’t know why “I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now,” she opens her post, , adding that she manages their weekly budget and pays all of the expenses; her spouse doesn’t even appear to understand the budget, much less be able to follow it.

Her spouse has such terrible money management skills that she is frequently forced to take the bus to work because he wastes her petrol money on unnecessary items. After paying for everything else, they had $150 left over one recent week for food.

“He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco,” she wrote, expressing her real concern that he may not truly comprehend their grave financial situation and leaving her “speechless.”

“I said, ‘I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need,’” she writes, which prompted her husband to “throw a fit” and say things like “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and accuses her of making him feel bad about himself.

“He’s literally a child,” she writes of her husband, going to say that she “can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive,” especially given our punishingly expensive economy nowadays. She’s come to the conclusion that her husband might just be fundamentally incapable of following a budget, especially because every conversation they have about it turns into a monumental fight. “It always resorts to an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like ‘I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full-time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge.”

She’s at her wits’ end, yet she feels helpless because of their financial circumstances.

“People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free,” she writes. “I’m sick of this.”

Redditors offered a plethora of solutions for handling this. Of course, many recommended divorce, which seems to be the most likely consequence in any case. Particularly those who have experienced similar circumstances advised the woman to begin saving money in order to leave the relationship.

Others, however, advised her to attempt more severe approaches to help him grasp the situation, such as limiting his spending to cash like a child receiving an allowance. This would help him learn how to manage money and make sure his wastefulness does not endanger the wife’s necessities.

“He needs to understand once the cash in his hand is gone, thats it til next payday,” the Redditor wrote. “Give him his half of the cash and say this is all you have for the next two weeks… But set your half aside.” It appeared that he would finally have to be coerced into learning.

But there’s cause to think that this problem is much more serious than a simple misunderstanding, considering his exaggerated response to the most basic of maths concepts. Being a spendthrift is one of the most typical signs of financial trauma, especially for people who experienced financial difficulty as children.

Individuals who have experienced this type of trauma attempt to compensate for the lack and stress they experienced as children by either being stingy or refusing to live frugal as adults, frequently to their own cost in both situations. Those who have experienced financial stress also frequently react by being so fiercely protective.

This woman seems to have the proper intuition; without treatment, there doesn’t seem to be much hope. She may, regrettably, have to make a decision that is much more significant than persuading her spouse to approve of a budget because therapy is so expensive.

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