Jonathan Nwokpor
Keep up with latest news and be part of our weekly giveaways and airtime sharing, follow our WhatsApp channel for more update. Click to Follow us
I’ve experienced a failed marriage, so I know what it takes to make a relationship work as well as what women do to make it fall apart.
Married men who wish to file for divorce are motivated by five things that wives do.
1. Trying to change your husband.
This is perhaps the most common fatal mistake we can’t help to make as women, but do anyway because it’s in our nature.
Don’t do it. No, no, no, no, no.
You choose to be with this man because you love him, for whatever reason. Yes, this might have happened during the honeymoon phase of your new relationship, but you committed to accept him for who he is when you accepted to date him.
He might not need to change, and you would be gravely mistaken if you believe that he should and would change for you.
Relationships may and should be worked on as they develop and change over time, but it’s crucial to remember that this is a two-way street that requires effort from both parties.
Don’t advise him he should cut down on his beer consumption, sports watching, weight loss, or that he shouldn’t wear that tattered, fifteen-year-old t-shirt he likes. Because you presumably knew all these qualities about him before he became your husband, and you probably even thought they were cute.
Don’t think that just because you have him, you can turn him into a marginally better version of yourself. If he is treating you kindly, tell him so. Show him more of your admiration for him rather than what he can improve upon to make him feel good about himself.
2. Making an effort to control him
This is a terrific method to persuade your spouse to do more of the things you don’t want him to do just because he’s “not allowed to do it,” in addition to making him dislike you. Even if it’s something absolutely innocent, controlling a guy is a terrific technique to get him to go behind your back and do whatever he feels like.
When you don’t trust him enough to hang out with his buddies or do anything without you or your approval, there’s something severely wrong there. You aren’t his mother or keeper, you are his partner.
When your relationship is stable, you won’t have to dictate to him how he behaves. Controlling someone indicates insecurity, which is not a desirable trait.
3. Avoiding closeness
It’s simple for women to hold back on intimacy. The main reasons we do this are when we are emotionally unfulfilled or just irritated with him, in which case we don’t want to engage in physical contact.
I’m not referring to letting him treat you anyway he pleases when you wake up and roll over on your side. That is inappropriate, and it’s clear that you’re not having fun. I mean, while you’re having fun, why not give him something to think about during the day while he’s at work?
The kind of intimacy (of any kind) that merely completes the task is not included in this. I mean the kind that completely blows his head. I would advise girls to make use of the important skills they likely possess hidden away. Once you two are able to communicate in this way, see how rapidly things change.
4. Letting go of yourself
The daily commotion of being a wife and mother is serious business, and we frequently neglect ourselves in the process. It’s pretty simple to let go with that. I have experienced that.
The last thing you want to do when you’re exhausted and too busy to even take a bathroom break is plan your outfits, style your own hair or spend an hour at the gym. But you should put in the extra time and effort to look nice for yourself, not only for him. Even on the worst of days, your attitude may readily lift when you feel good about the way you look and receive compliments for it.
Have you ever been dejected when you arrive at work and someone asks you if you’ve lost weight or says they want your hair? If so, reflect on your feelings at that precise moment. The response is most likely appropriate.
He will like it and want more if you look and feel good, and you will want to give it and receive more of it, which will motivate you even more to stick with it.
5. Coming between him and his family
“I will not tell him his family sucks,” say it again after me. Avoid doing it. They are genetically bound to him for life and were there before you.
Yes, there are instances in which your man’s family may be awful, but he probably already knows if his family is that awful, so he doesn’t need you to tell him that. It’s best to let him resolve any disputes that arise there that concern you. Going up against his family makes you the number one public enemy, and things might soon turn against you.
Since you cherish and love him, choose the right path. Maintain a refined look. Don’t add more fuel to the fire and let him to put it out, or don’t light it in the first place.
The best method to improve your circumstances and progress together is to concentrate on your own actions.
I occasionally reflect on some of my former relationship behaviour and say to myself, “If only I knew then what I know now.”
It’s quite simple to concentrate on everything that he is doing incorrectly—which, don’t get me wrong, he most likely is. But as a therapist, I can tell you that one of our most important golden laws is to pay attention to what we are thinking and doing, not what other people are doing. It is far simpler to change the situation if you alter your feelings and how you respond to other people’s behaviour.
Above all, however, remember and express your gratitude that you are loved by a man. Contribute to maintaining that. Furthermore, you can never say you didn’t try, and then you can blame his ass when it doesn’t work out.
Please don’t forget to “Allow the notification” so you will be the first to get our gist when we publish it.
Drop your comment in the section below, and don’t forget to share the post.
